


Physical Therapy

by Musafir



Category: HIStory3 - 圈套 | HIStory3: Trap
Genre: Bickering, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Humor, Fluff without Plot, M/M, Massage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 12:03:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20135164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musafir/pseuds/Musafir
Summary: In which Shaofei suffers a fall, Jiang prescribes a massage, Andy is Andy, and Tang Yi has Done Nothing To Deserve This.





	Physical Therapy

**Author's Note:**

> Just some pure lighthearted crack to sooth my feathers.

Shaofei glared at Andy. 

Andy smirked back. 

Shaofei’s eye twitched.

Andy smiled wider.

Shaofei abruptly stood up.

“I’m leaving!”

“Sit down.” Tang Yi said, not looking up from his phone.

“Tang Yi!” Shaofei protested, refusing to sit down. One hand braced itself against the table as a twinge ran through his leg. 

“Officer Meng should sit down before he carelessly injures himself any further.” Andy commented in a lofty voice, examining his nails.

“You should  _ shut up _ before I care _ fully  _ injure you with my crutches.” Shaofei snapped, reaching for his crutch.

Tang Yi reached out and snagged Shaofei’s crutch with one hand.

“Ah-Fei, sit down.” He repeated. His attention was still ninety percent on his phone and Andy dragged his eyes up Tang Yi’s body before shooting a glance at Shaofei to make sure he saw.

Shaofei turned purple with the effort it took to not lunge across the table and strangle the fox man.

“Tang Yi!” Shaofei reached out and tried to pull his crutch back from Tang Yi’s grip, but Tang Yi held firm. “Fine! Whatever! I’m not doing this, I’m leaving!” Shaofei let go of the crutch with a huff.

“How?” Andy asked, interested. “Are you planning on crawling?”

Shaofei had never regretted not having his gun on his person this much ever before. And that included the time he had been jumped by two thugs in an alley.

“ _ You- _ !” He fumed, looking for the words to describe exactly what he thought about  _ Andy _ and what he could do with his face. Unfortunately no such word currently existed that encompassed all his thoughts on the matter.

“Great comeback. Tang Yi, I see you must have picked him for his brains.” Andy commented.

“Both of you be quiet.” Tang Yi ordered. He still hadn’t looked up from his phone and Shaofei felt that despite Andy being in the room, this was the greatest injustice he had been dealt with so far. Though Andy was a close second.

Whatever. He didn’t have to put up with this. Casting one last longing look at his trapped crutch, Shaofei spun around with a huff, catching the amusement in Andy’s eyes before he turned away. The resulting anger fueled his willpower.

Shaofei braced one hand against the wall and began to limp towards the door.

“Tang Yi, your cripple is getting away.” Andy said, bored.

“I am going to give all the meter maids in the district your license plate number.” Shaofei growled, not stopping.

If only he could get to the door before-

“I thought Doctor Jiang said Officer Meng had to stay off his leg?” Andy said innocently, not moving an inch.

“Shaofei!”

Damn it. Of course Tang Yi would choose now to pay attention. Shaofei refused to look back. He knew the look that would be on Tang Yi’s face and was man enough to admit he was weak against it.

“Doctor Jiang can suck my-…” Shaofei muttered darkly, thinking about the man who had gotten him into this situation.

“Meng Shaofei, get back here and sit down!” Tang Yi growled, clearly at the end of his limits already.

“You’ll never catch me alive.” Shaofei wheezed, giddy with the thought that he might actually escape the situation. He was two feet away from the door and gaining on it slowly. “Slow and steady wins the-….”

The door swung inwards suddenly, startling Shaofei and making him lose his balance. He lurched backwards with a shout. It was only due to Jack’s quick reflexes that his fist shot out and grabbed the front of Shaofei’s sweatshirt, precariously holding him in place at an angle for the two seconds Tang Yi needed to practically teleport to his back and grip him securely.

The two ex-mob members pushed and pulled carefully until Shaofei was once again steady on his feet. Well, as steady as he could currently manage with one leg currently out of commission. Shaofei felt his racing heartbeat calm. For a single moment. Because then he registered Tang Yi’s steadily darkening aura at his back. 

“Hi.” Jack greeted cheerfully.

“ _ Shaofei _ .” Tang Yi growled from behind him. His hands began to tighten their grip on his wayward lover.

“Hi Jack, ow,  _ Tang Yi _ !” Shaofei squirmed in the grip.

“Is Boss Wife allowed to be walking around without crutches now?” Jack asked, taking in the scene in front of him.

“No.” Tang Yi barked. Then Shaofei was being dragged backwards, ever so carefully of course, back to the table he had just made his escape from.

“Wait! Tang Yi! No!” Shaofei protested, and he fought against his fate.

Tang Yi forced him down into the chair and clamped his hands down on Shaofei’s thighs, locking him in place. He leaned down so his face filled Shaofei’s vision. Shaofei was immediately distracted by how handsome his lover was.

One hand immediately came up to cup Tang Yi’s cheek and Shaofei ran his thumb across petal soft lips. Tang Yi kissed the pad of his thumb lightly, never denying him affection even through the rest of his face was teeming with restrained exasperation.

“Can someone call the police? I’d like to report some over the top PDA.” Andy said.

“I will literally arrest you.” Shaofei snapped, tearing his gaze away from Tang Yi. 

Tang Yi sighed.

“Shaofei, please stop fighting with Andy, he’s here to help you. And Andy, stop provoking him.” Tang Yi said, in a resigned voice that said he knew nothing he said would stop the bickering.

“I don’t want his help!” Shaofei immediately said.

“We’ve been over this.” Tang Yi said firmly. “Jiang said you needed regular massage therapy and it just so happens that Andy is the best at offering this particular service.”

“I’m fine with second best.” Shaofei said.

“I’m not.” Tang Yi said.

“You would be.” Andy said.

“You  _ massive _ ass-…” Shaofei started hotly. 

“Shaofei,  _ please _ .” Tang Yi said loudly, “You just need to lie there-…”

“And take it.” Andy smirked.

“I would rather cut off my leg.” Shaofei sneered.

“I will gag  _ both of you. _ ” Tang Yi threatened. 

“Kinky.” Andy commented.

“Tang Yi! Stop flirting with Andy!” Shaofei said, outraged.

“I have literally done nothing to deserve this.” Tang Yi said.

There was a pause and they all simultaneously thought about Tang Yi’s past as a mob boss.

“ _ Jack _ .” Tang Yi snapped, desperate to change the conversation. “Why are you here?”

Jack, who had been standing comfortably, watching the proceedings as if he was watching a very amusing comedy show, looked at Tang Yi with his usual, slightly deranged smile.

“Oh, just to let you know the car is ready to go. We can leave when you are ready, boss.” Jack said happily.

Tang Yi glare could have melted a polar ice cap. 

“And you couldn’t tell me this five minutes ago!?”

“You seemed busy.” Jack said earnestly.

A vein throbbed on Tang Yi’s forehead. Shaofei reached up to soothe it, only to accidently smack his face when a noise of disgust from Andy had him spinning around to confront the fox.

“Oops! Sorry Tang Yi!”

Tang Yi closed his eyes and asked for patience.

“Everybody. In. The. Car.  _ Now _ .” Tang Yi said through gritted teeth.

He swung Shaofei up into his arms and barked at Jack to grab the crutches. Shaofei immediately flailed.

“Tang Yi! Put me down, I can walk!” He argued, even as his arms came up to grip at Tang Yi’s shoulders.

“You literally failed at walking. That is the whole reason why we are here.” Andy pointed out.

Shaofei looked outraged.

“No talking!” Tang Yi barked as he kicked the door open and speed walked through.

“But-!”

Tang Yi gently shoved Shaofei into the backseat of the truck, passive aggressively belting him in and shutting the door in his face before he could lunge out. He spun around to see Andy standing behind him, a smirk on his face.

“Get in the front with Jack.” Tang Yi ordered, rounding the car and letting himself into the backseat from the other side. They could hear Shaofei loudly protesting before Tang Yi pulled the door shut behind him.

“So demanding.” Andy pouted at Jack.

Jack serenely smiled at Andy. This was going to be one fun car ride.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Oh my god, Tang Yi, tell him to get off. His fingers feel like snails crawling against my skin.” Shaofei moaned, gripping the edge of the table. 

In retaliation, Andy dug his fingers a little harder than necessary into the muscle he was kneading. Shaofei yelped and tried to jerk away. Unfortunately, Tang Yi had foreseen that he would attempt to escape and kept a hand clamped firmly around his ankle. He wouldn’t even give him an inch of leeway and Shaofei hysterically wondered if Tang Yi took steroids because there was no way he could naturally be this strong.

“Ah-Fei, let him do his job. And Andy, if you hurt him unnecessarily I’ll stop coming to your bar.” Tang Yi threatened casually.

Andy pouted, and then brightened. 

“So I can hurt him necessarily?” He asked, brightly. 

“I will literally charge you with a felony.” Shaofei hissed. 

“By the time you walk yourself down to the station, I could literally be out of the country.” Andy said, with another dig of his fingers. 

“You-  _ ow _ ! Tang Yi! He’s definitely doing this on purpose!” Shaofei whined, manfully.

“It’s a massage to a torn muscle, you baby. Of course it's going to hurt.” Andy retorted, unimpressed by Shaofei’s whining. “If you were stronger, maybe you wouldn’t feel so much pain.” 

“Andy.” Tang Yi sighed. 

“I-..,  _ you-... _ , how dare you! I, Meng Shaofei am very strong!” Shaofei exclaimed. 

“Mhmm, I’m sure.” Andy said, angelically before starting to grip the area where Shaofei had torn the muscle. 

Shaofei arched as if electrified and let out a high pitched shriek. 

“Holy fucking shit! Let go, let go, let go!” He gasped, flailing every body part that wasn’t held down.

“Like I said, no tolerance for pain.” Andy sighed, taking a step back looking bored at Shaofei’s pain.

Shaofei glared at him through watery eyes and then turned his glare on Tang Yi, who had sprung up, but still kept a grip on Shaofei’s ankle so he couldn’t escape. Shaofei sincerely felt like his lover’s priorities were incredibly skewed at the moment. He considered kicking him in the face. Decided he couldn’t bear to see a single mark on that gorgeous visage. Mollified himself by making a note to kick him somewhere else later. 

“Ah-Fei,” Tang Yi began, looking determined. Shaofei immediately cut him off.

“I swear to god, if you say something about building pain tolerance and tell me about the time you had to break your thumbs again, I will shove the Fox’s terrible smelling essential oils down your throat.” Shaofei hissed, feeling betrayed as another wave of pain flowed through him.

Tang Yi looked momentarily taken aback.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Shaofei immediately gasped when he was able to breathe again. “I get a little tetchy when I’m being painfully groped by fox faced men and you encourage it.”

“You are not being  _ groped _ -…” Tang Yi started.

“I want you to know my essential oils sold out in the first hour that they were available to the public.” Andy sniffed haughtily.

“Buying them all yourself doesn’t count as selling out, you sellout.” Shaofei said, sweetly.

“You should be  _ grateful _ -…” Andy started, outraged.

“Children.” Tang Yi snapped before the situation was irreparably escalated. Andy and Shaofei both looked at him, affronted, as if he had said something worse than the insults they had been throwing at each other all day. Tang Yi sighed.

“What do I need to do to get you to get along for the  _ half an hour _ that you need to be in each other’s presence, huh?”

“Tell him to stop touching me!” Shaofei said immediately.

“Tell him to stop existing.” Andy said, loftily.

“Are you threatening the life of a police officer?!”

“At this point, it’s not like I would really have to actually do anything. I just have to wait. You klutz.” Andy smirked.

_ “I will-…!” _

Unfortunately, Shaofei never got to tell Andy what he would do as Tang Yi slapped a hand over his mouth, and then turned a deathly glare on Andy.

Andy pouted back.

“Enough!” Tang Yi steamed, he opened his mouth to berate the two men and then blinked. “Did you just lick my palm?” He asked Shaofei.

The corners of Shaofei’s eyes crinkled as he smiled beneath Tang Yi’s palm. Tang Yi closed his eyes. Wondered which life decision led him to this place of misery. Sighed. Then he decided to switch tracks.

“Baby.” He crooned.

Shaofei perked up and looked up at Tang Yi with soft eyes. Andy rolled his eyes in disgust.

“Baby, if you let Andy massage your thigh, we can do that thing you’ve been wanting to do.” Tang Yi said softly.

“Th-mm Mhmmmhhh?” Shaofei said, mouth still strategically covered by Tang Yi.

“Yes.” Said Tang Yi, looking directly into Shaofei’s eyes.

“The what?” Andy asked in disgust.

“Wi-mm Th-mmm mmmhmm?” Shaofei asked, eyes widening.

“We can do that too, but only if you don’t argue with Andy for the rest of the night.” Tang Yi bargained.

Shaofei nodded furiously.

Andy looked like the curiosity would kill him. Tang Yi pulled his suspiciously wet palm away from Shaofei’s mouth.  _ _

“Well okay then. We all have our marching orders. Want to lie down flat so Andy can finish, baby?”

“I sure do!” Shaofei said brightly.

Andy looked like he was going to be sick. He stepped back from the table.

“I’ll be right back. I feel the sudden need to go disinfect my entire body.”

“Don’t take too long!” Shaofei called after him. “Tang Yi and I have stuff to do! We have to go get some choc-…” Tang Yi slammed his hand over Shaofei’s mouth again.

“Please do get your infantile cripple to shut up.” Andy sniffed.

“Andy. If you provoke Shaofei for the rest of this appointment, I’ll tell your boyfriend about  _ that night _ .” Tang Yi said casually.

“You wouldn’t dare!” Andy gasped.

“-…And the strawberries! We need the strawberries to do mmmmm-…” Shaofei continued happily, having turned his head away from Tang Yi’s palm. Tang Yi re-affixed his grip.

“Oh, I would dare.” Tang Yi said, smirking at the affronted look on Andy’s face.

“You monster.”

“SEX STUFF!” Shaofei shouted, wrenching Tang Yi’s palm away from his face. Tang Yi re-purposed the hand by reaching up and rubbing the bridge of his nose; a clear sign of an impending headache.

“You two deserve each other.” Andy sniffed. “Let’s get this over with so you two perverts can get out of my studio. Honestly tainting the atmosphere with your threats and perverseness.”

“Goddamn right we deserve each other.” Said Shaofei, shooting Tang Yi a victorious grin. He had  _ worked _ for that beautiful man.

“Please stop before I throw up on you.”

“If you’re feeling nauseous, it’s probably because of the smell of these oils.” Shaofei said with wide innocent eyes.

“Shaofei.” Tang Yi said, disapprovingly.

“Just a comment! No offense intended.” Shaofei said, with a smile directed towards Andy that let him know all the offence possible was intended.

“Why don’t I just keep working on your ripped muscle?” Andy replied sweetly. “Let me know if this hurts.”

“Oh god, wait no-  _ OWWW _ !” 

The room devolved once again into arguments and shouts and Tang Yi swore that it was the last time he was ever going to be stuck in a room with these two infantile children ever again.

So of course Jiang prescribed three more sessions after seeing the results of the first.

Tang Yi reiterated; he had done  _ nothing _ to deserve  _ this _ . 

  
  


fin.


End file.
